I can not stop crying.
Her faith is inspiring and my heart hurts for them
http://laylagrace.org
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
It's funny to look back...
While I was in the shower yesterday.... (which coincidentally is the only time I have to my self and most of the time that "self" time includes a little 25 pound angel banging on the shower door) I started to think about the time while I was pregnant and all of the thoughts and notions I had as to what this would mean for my life.
I recalled meeting with the person we interviewed as a babysitter and asking her tons of questions and even though she was perfect it still didn't feel right. We even gave her a $300 deposit. What is humorous to me from the particular time is that we talked with her about paying her extra if we wanted to go to Happy Hour after work. Really?? I thought at that time that even though I had been away from my baby ALL day long and having someone else practically raise him that I would want MORE time away? And it's not that I didn't want him or love him. We tried for a year to make him... it was just that I envisioned my life staying the same with this new little bundle of love in it. I knew I wanted to breastfeed and figured I would just be able to pump extra milk and party it up? I guess I can partly see why my mom is so shocked at the kind of mother I have become.
I envisioned this perfect little baby that I would watch through the video monitor all snug in his elaborately decorated nursery while Tim and I watched TV at night and then retreated to our bed to cuddle all night like normal.
I am not sure if I thought this way because I had not known many people that breastfed or followed attachment parenting. I didn't even know what the term was until I found out I had been doing it for 6 months!
But once this little person entered my world he was all I could think about or do. I could not fathom having to turn him over to someone at the teeny age of 12 weeks and trust that he would be secure all day. I even went by a daycare and looked in the newborn room and saw the "cages"... quite literally. It was rows of boxes where they pulled rails down to protect from rolling out etc. I almost vomited. This was the most expensive daycare around and it made me want to pass out at the thought of leaving my helpless small baby with them.
I started having panic attacks when the time came to go back to work. It was bad. I would just be here nursing him and would think about what was to come and would start bawling. It had always been "impossible" for me to stay home as we bought a $200,000 and had student loan and furntiture payments out the wazoo. I started crunching the numbers and figured out that with saving nothing for college, retirement etc, never going out to eat, not buying anything not 100% needed ( books, lotion, makeup for fun)... it was BARELY doable.
To this day:
I know most people that say " I can't stay home" just like I did but if you really want it you will find a way. This is nothing to say of moms that don't want to etc. More power to them. I am not one of those people that loves to work and if it is part of you and you enjoy it you should continue. This is not bashing working moms. Its about notions vs. reality.
Do I wish we had more money? Yes! Of course I wish I could take Tyler to the zoo and out to lunch all the time and buy him the best and save for his future but I can NEVER get this time back. I don't think I am going to look back and wish I had more stuff but I would look back and say I wish I had more time with my kid.
I recalled meeting with the person we interviewed as a babysitter and asking her tons of questions and even though she was perfect it still didn't feel right. We even gave her a $300 deposit. What is humorous to me from the particular time is that we talked with her about paying her extra if we wanted to go to Happy Hour after work. Really?? I thought at that time that even though I had been away from my baby ALL day long and having someone else practically raise him that I would want MORE time away? And it's not that I didn't want him or love him. We tried for a year to make him... it was just that I envisioned my life staying the same with this new little bundle of love in it. I knew I wanted to breastfeed and figured I would just be able to pump extra milk and party it up? I guess I can partly see why my mom is so shocked at the kind of mother I have become.
I envisioned this perfect little baby that I would watch through the video monitor all snug in his elaborately decorated nursery while Tim and I watched TV at night and then retreated to our bed to cuddle all night like normal.
I am not sure if I thought this way because I had not known many people that breastfed or followed attachment parenting. I didn't even know what the term was until I found out I had been doing it for 6 months!
But once this little person entered my world he was all I could think about or do. I could not fathom having to turn him over to someone at the teeny age of 12 weeks and trust that he would be secure all day. I even went by a daycare and looked in the newborn room and saw the "cages"... quite literally. It was rows of boxes where they pulled rails down to protect from rolling out etc. I almost vomited. This was the most expensive daycare around and it made me want to pass out at the thought of leaving my helpless small baby with them.
I started having panic attacks when the time came to go back to work. It was bad. I would just be here nursing him and would think about what was to come and would start bawling. It had always been "impossible" for me to stay home as we bought a $200,000 and had student loan and furntiture payments out the wazoo. I started crunching the numbers and figured out that with saving nothing for college, retirement etc, never going out to eat, not buying anything not 100% needed ( books, lotion, makeup for fun)... it was BARELY doable.
To this day:
- I have only been seperated from Tyler 6 or 7 times and my mom or Tim has watched him
- He has never spent a night or nap out of our room
- He is still nursing
- He has never been left to cry it out
- He has never been spanked
I know most people that say " I can't stay home" just like I did but if you really want it you will find a way. This is nothing to say of moms that don't want to etc. More power to them. I am not one of those people that loves to work and if it is part of you and you enjoy it you should continue. This is not bashing working moms. Its about notions vs. reality.
Do I wish we had more money? Yes! Of course I wish I could take Tyler to the zoo and out to lunch all the time and buy him the best and save for his future but I can NEVER get this time back. I don't think I am going to look back and wish I had more stuff but I would look back and say I wish I had more time with my kid.
Second Lactation Class
I am so very excited that I get to attend my second lactation class next week! After this class I will be a "trained breastfeeding educator"
I will then be able to teach classes etc!
I am so excited that this is my step towards becoming a lactation consultant! My first thing I will be doing is volunteering at a local pregnancy resource center for underprivileged moms to teach them!
I will then be able to teach classes etc!
I am so excited that this is my step towards becoming a lactation consultant! My first thing I will be doing is volunteering at a local pregnancy resource center for underprivileged moms to teach them!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
"I just don't make enough milk"
This is going to be me on my "soapbox"
I can not fathom any mother not trying to give their child the best. Personally I think that makes you a worse mother than one that will try. Yes, it may be hard and gross you out and be inconvient but for God's sake it is your child. You are going to have to do a lot of gross and hard things over the years. That is part of being a parent. Breastmilk is a MILLION times better than formula and can protect your baby from so many diseases and actually MAKE THEM SMARTER! Why on earth would you not even try to give your baby the best? How freaking selfish are you?
I know people will chime in and say "well I just couldn't do it" " I didn't make enough milk" and the various excuses that are completely false.
It is VERY rare that a woman CAN NOT breastfeed. Breast reduction is one of the leading reasons because the milk glands have been removed and a lot of times it is true that THESE women can't nurse but 99% of the rest of the world is equipped.
People that turn to me and say "well it just wasn't as easy for me as it was for you"...PISS ME OFF. having a baby attached to me 24/7 when I was recovering from MAJOR surgery that I could feel with no pain medicine that would work IS NOT EASY. I wouldn't send him to the nursery to rest as was suggested. I wouldn't give him "just one bottle" so I could get a break. None of this was easy but I knew that this was what I had to do to make it work. So none of it was easy and do not tell me I am "lucky" that I worked my ass off.
Those first few days are CRITICAL. You can not supplement. You simply can't. Your body needs the stimulation to set up your prolactin receptors in your brain and to set you up for milk production for the duration of your nursing. One bottle can and will throw that off. Your body and your baby's body were designed in this way. Their stomach is the size of a marble and all they need is that coating colostrum. Its what they need. They don't need a two ounce bottle of processed cows milk. This will make them full and then they will not want to nurse and your body will not continue to do what it is supposed to.
So yes, when people say "I can't make enough milk" ... they really can't...because of thier actions, not because of their physiology . Had they not given a bottle of formula the very first day their body would not have told their breasts to produce less milk beacuse the baby didn't need it. So, I am sorry if it is hard to hear. But you did it to your self. Those first couple days are horrible. HORRIBLE and it is not easy so don't anyone tell me how "lucky" I was.
I may be saying how hard it is but it is SO worth it. Even if it doesn't help you bond or you don't enjoy it. You should enjoy what it is doing for your child! You would have to be a bad mother to not.
I can not tell you how many times I have heard people say after a couple weeks "well I just didn't make enough milk" and then you look over pictures of the baby in the hospital and they always have a bottle in their mouth... really? You are right, you don't make enough milk because you told your body that you didn't have a baby because your baby was drinking from a cow!
* I know a lot of women that need to supplement when they return to work because of supply problems and that is not what I am talking about here*
People seem to be so freaking upset when this gets talked about but why would you not want the best for your baby? Why would you not want to try again? Yes formula has a place in this world but if it were not so covienent for people to use just because "breastfeeding is too hard"... maybe we could all be healthier.
It's been proven that breastfed babies grow up to be leaner, healthier adults. Perhaps if we could get breastfeeding rates close to 100% we would not be such a sick nation.
Where would you rather be?
I can not fathom any mother not trying to give their child the best. Personally I think that makes you a worse mother than one that will try. Yes, it may be hard and gross you out and be inconvient but for God's sake it is your child. You are going to have to do a lot of gross and hard things over the years. That is part of being a parent. Breastmilk is a MILLION times better than formula and can protect your baby from so many diseases and actually MAKE THEM SMARTER! Why on earth would you not even try to give your baby the best? How freaking selfish are you?
I know people will chime in and say "well I just couldn't do it" " I didn't make enough milk" and the various excuses that are completely false.
It is VERY rare that a woman CAN NOT breastfeed. Breast reduction is one of the leading reasons because the milk glands have been removed and a lot of times it is true that THESE women can't nurse but 99% of the rest of the world is equipped.
People that turn to me and say "well it just wasn't as easy for me as it was for you"...PISS ME OFF. having a baby attached to me 24/7 when I was recovering from MAJOR surgery that I could feel with no pain medicine that would work IS NOT EASY. I wouldn't send him to the nursery to rest as was suggested. I wouldn't give him "just one bottle" so I could get a break. None of this was easy but I knew that this was what I had to do to make it work. So none of it was easy and do not tell me I am "lucky" that I worked my ass off.
Those first few days are CRITICAL. You can not supplement. You simply can't. Your body needs the stimulation to set up your prolactin receptors in your brain and to set you up for milk production for the duration of your nursing. One bottle can and will throw that off. Your body and your baby's body were designed in this way. Their stomach is the size of a marble and all they need is that coating colostrum. Its what they need. They don't need a two ounce bottle of processed cows milk. This will make them full and then they will not want to nurse and your body will not continue to do what it is supposed to.
So yes, when people say "I can't make enough milk" ... they really can't...because of thier actions, not because of their physiology . Had they not given a bottle of formula the very first day their body would not have told their breasts to produce less milk beacuse the baby didn't need it. So, I am sorry if it is hard to hear. But you did it to your self. Those first couple days are horrible. HORRIBLE and it is not easy so don't anyone tell me how "lucky" I was.
I may be saying how hard it is but it is SO worth it. Even if it doesn't help you bond or you don't enjoy it. You should enjoy what it is doing for your child! You would have to be a bad mother to not.
I can not tell you how many times I have heard people say after a couple weeks "well I just didn't make enough milk" and then you look over pictures of the baby in the hospital and they always have a bottle in their mouth... really? You are right, you don't make enough milk because you told your body that you didn't have a baby because your baby was drinking from a cow!
* I know a lot of women that need to supplement when they return to work because of supply problems and that is not what I am talking about here*
People seem to be so freaking upset when this gets talked about but why would you not want the best for your baby? Why would you not want to try again? Yes formula has a place in this world but if it were not so covienent for people to use just because "breastfeeding is too hard"... maybe we could all be healthier.
It's been proven that breastfed babies grow up to be leaner, healthier adults. Perhaps if we could get breastfeeding rates close to 100% we would not be such a sick nation.
Where would you rather be?
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